Well, minus the fancy free part. I am, however, toothless in one part of my mouth. I had teeth #9 and #10 extracted on Thursday. For all the dentists who read my blog, you know which teeth these are. For everyone else, if you are staring at me it is my front right big tooth (#9) and the adjacent bicuspid (#10). I would break out the picture of the sockets, but nobody would be happy with that. In fact, I suspect I would get hate mail.
As part of this wonderful experience, I have been on Percoset. This immediately transports me to the feeling of recuperation after each of my c-sections. Happy, pain-free, spacey, drowsy, and completely out of it. I think my friend put it best when she described being on painkillers after having her wisdom teeth pulled as "losing days." I feel like I am in the midst of my own lost weekend over here.
Plus, to add to the weirdness, I seem to be obsessed with looking at myself in the mirror and oogling my swollen face. I look like I have the mumps. I have been, affectionately of course, calling myself Ratboy after the main character in the 1986 movie of the same title. In short, my face and sinus are so swollen that I look like I am wearing a prosthetic rodent nose. Add to that the fact that I am missing two teeth, so the one I have left sort of sticks out. I can do a mean impression of Ratboy.
So, due to my medicated state and this funny comparison, I find myself saying things like,
"Ratboy loves Percoset."
"Ratboy is in a little bit of pain."
My mom asked me why I had to be Ratboy and I couldn't be Ratgirl. Because there was no ratgirl, duh!