Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Get Real on the Internet Week...I'm Real on the Internet!

 We walked out the door. We decided to go for a noon hike. Mia (the little yellow dog), Bear (the big, poorly shorn dog), my friend Christine and I headed out the door of my little cottage. No sooner than we had walked across the yard we saw something like this coming:

Ruh roh, I knew what this meant. I knew someday, I would check "Street View" and be able to circumnaviagate a cyber image of me. Well that day has come...and here I am...I am trapped in the wide world Web. For at least the next little while, I know I exist because I can Google my address and see me there, frozen like a mosquito in amber.

Thursday, January 02, 2014

And Another Thing...

So, common apocrypha would have us believe it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However, I just read an article that suggested for complex tasks, it's really more like 50 days...and can take the better part of a year. How long do we think it will take a person to forget a person? I'll explain...

A year and a half ago, I met a man through a dating site (this truly was beginners luck, because I have been back to that dating site well many times with nothing close to these kinds of results). Anyhow, we had a first date that I characterized on a scale of 1-10 as a 10. We dated for a couple of months, but he was not looking for commitment, turns out. So, we stayed friends and talked on and off everyday for a long time. He dated others, I dated others, but we remained friends. He got me. I got him. I was let inside his fears and insecurities and I revealed mine. We acted as therapists, life coaches and advisers to each other.

We were lovers at times. We truly loved. I fell in love over and over again, but was it the dream? Was I in love with the idea that I had created on our first date of what we would be? I believed I had met my match in intelligence, humor, quirkiness and extreme outdoorsy-ness. I was a pioneer who had met her homesteading partner. My strengths and his strengths were similar, but different enough to be complementary (PS: I just spent five minutes contemplating if this was the right "complement/pliment" to be using here).

I found this Anais Nin quote to ring true. I thought I got to know the human being with the flaws. I thought I loved him. As it turns out, I might have not ever even have known him. I might have always been in love with the dream. And now, I find myself at the beginning of a new year ready to let die this old habit. Let go of the myth. Let go of the dream. Let go. Letting go......

New Year...Resolute...

resolute - firm in purpose or belief; characterized by firmness and determination; "stood resolute against the enemy"; "faced with a resolute opposition"; "a resolute and unshakeable faith"
I am trying to get back to blogging. Writing is such a centering activity for me and I need centering. I don't like resolutions. I don't like setting myself up for failure. And, when it comes to exacting willpower in my life, I fail way more often than succeed. So instead of a specific resolution, I am vowing this new year to be resolute.

Resolute in my faith.
Resolute in making healthy choices.
Resolute in stopping unhealthy activities.
Resolute in being a better parent. 

In 2013, I enabled myself. I put on weight. I drank and ate too much. I allowed myself to dwell in a world of anxiety and distress. I got all hung up on a silly bunch of notions that I couldn't shake. JUST.COULD.NOT.SHAKE. I don't know that I will do any better this year, but I am resolute to try.