Saturday, April 19, 2008

Momzilla Goes Out to Eat

We went to Rhinebeck, NY yesterday, as I posted. My soon-to-be-ex is at the Omega Institute working for the summer. It's a pretty cool campus and right near the Hudson River, so it's a great place to visit with the kids. Anyhow, here are some pearls from Momzilla at lunch today.

Me (on phone in the morning): We're going to go up to Rhinebect early and go on a little hike around there. So we'll see you at 12:30 at the restaurant. It's a great place to meet, because if you're a few minutes late, we can grab a table and get the kids an apple juice and wait for you.

MZ (sneeringly): Oh, we'll get there before you.

Me:'re coming all the way from Ridgefield and we'll already be in town...sigh...nevermind. See you at 12:30.

Me (from cell phone at 10 am): OK, we're here in town. Just wanted to tell you the exact name of the restaurant. It's the Beekman Arms Tavern.

MZ: OK, 12 or 12:30?

Me: 12 (although promptly kicking myself for not lying)

Cut to Patrick and me wrestling two kids in a 1766 tavern for over thirty minutes when it is technically nap time. Fun fun fun.

Then, when Momzilla arrives,
MZ: NY is HORRIBLE at putting up appropriate signs.

Yes, it's The State of NY's fault you got lost.

Then, when the food comes. First, the children's meal comes. I got them a children's filet mignon to share. High class joint, no? I got it with fries. I am doling out portions for the kids and I hear MZ in the corner, "Let me try that steak...can I have a piece?" I finish giving Elena her lunch and turn to do Liam's and there is literally a fork in my face. Yes, Momzilla, you can have a bite, but can you wait until I feed MY CHILDREN FIRST???

Next, she helps herself to Elena's fries. The waiter, who is SO nice comes over and I ask him if the brown sauce on the filet is a pepper sauce because my daughter says it's very peppery. He says no it's just a gravy. I say ok. Then, I hear Momzilla pipe in, "The children's fries are STONE COLD." I have to interrupt, as she is a social embarassment as usual, and say, "No, they're fine. They're warm. No problem here. Thank you." I then turn to her and say, "It's a KIDS meal. MY kids meal. Please do not complain about the fries being cold." She starts to say something about how they make the food and then have it sitting out...blah blah blah.

Her food comes. We are peppered with more lovely comments. They should give out better knives. These are dull. Butter knives, hrmph. This bun is too small for this burger. It won't even stay on there.

The icing on the cake, so to speak, was when she asked for a bite of my salad. At this point, it's 2 PM, Liam is freaking out and I am about to get a medal in restaurant baby wrangling. I handed her the rest of my salad and started to stand up to take him outside. She started into my salad and said...I didn't see this on the menu! I would have ordered it. It looks good. Oh, it is good. I usually don't order things with blue cheese because it's fattening. Yup, my salad with blue cheese is definitely more fattening than your burger. Especially when you eat some of each and some of the kids's fries.

Here endeth the tale of lunch with Momzilla.

(Just so you have a visual, here's one of the few pictures I could find of Momzilla. Ignore the ass):


Amelia's moms said...

Thank you for making me CRACK UP! I am so lucky, may I remind myself again. It might be time to regift those underpants you got - is her birthday coming up?

I almost died at the picture caption.

Elisa said...

Good grief, what a bitch. I can't believe you lunched w/ that demon. I'd probably have stabbed her w/ my fork. I hate people touching my food - ick!