Sunday, February 11, 2007

The Dirty Sock Funtime Band

My dad and I took Elena to see this band today. They were great. Crazy, but fun. Real music. I give it thumbs up. She was so adorable that, at one point, I cried watching her. Her face was all lit up and she was grinning from ear to ear. She looked around the room, taking in every detail and munching popcorn. She was enamorate with atmosphere. She comes by her love of concerts, music and theatrics naturally.

There were two sort of poignant moments for me aside from her initial reaction I described above. First, she had the same dance personality that I have. This band asked for a lot of audience participation. She so badly wanted to participate, but was so self-conscious about attempting. It was so cute, but painfully familiar, to watch. There were plenty of kids who gladly shrugged their parents and leapt out of their seats to dance wildly in the aisles. Most kids thrust their hands in the air, clapped, and sang along as directed...not so much my little girl. She took it all in thoughtfully. At one point, the band formed a conga line which half the audience jumped on and jaunted through the aisles. I could see how desperately Elena wanted to be a part of it and join it. She was so torn. I am not an insecure person, but she reminded me of me when it comes to anything physically participative. In this situation, she was just like her momma, and that meant something to me.

The second poignant moment came separately for both Elena and me. It was when we both realized that we did not have Daddy with us. For me, it was in the beginning of the show when I was sure P would have been loving the band and the instruments and the rock music. He would have loved seeing Elena's face light up at the live music. I just know it. It made me well up and cry. I looked around and there were daddies with every child, holding them, dancing with them, rocking out with them. At the end of the show, it hit Elena too. She said, "Us go see MY daddy now?" Um, not right now honey, not just yet.

2 comments:

Linda said...

Ok, Kiki, you're breaking my heart. Stop.

Liz said...

I am sorry for the twists and turns your life has taken. Consider: you are a strong, smart, vibrant, did I say smart, lady with Healthy children. It's time for you to set the bar higher (yes higher) and create this new life for you and the kids. You are not responsible for P.'s happiness, you are not responsible for him, we are responsible for ourselves and you my dear are also responsible for 2 great/healthy kids as well. Invite light and happiness in. You are the best thing those babies have and you can do this. Is it possible that things will be better then ever? I can't think why not. What about missionary work? Is it time? I think it's time for you. Put down the baggage. Don't cry for him, for what he is missing, his whatever problems, tough sh*t. You have got better things and other things to do! Hugs to you. Liz M.

Was I too tough on you? Sorry I am so pissed off this is going on, you deserve the best.