Thursday, August 29, 2013

The Rubber Band Theory of Porcupine Warmth

Ted talks. They are a great way of having ah-ha moments. Today's about porcupines as an analogy of people successfully navigating the playing field of love got me thinking. A long time ago I read the Mars/Venus book. It was odd since, at the time, I was a Mars woman with a Venus man. My man at the time acted much more like the needy woman and I needed to go into my Martian cave all the time. I have since been in relationships which were flipped the other way. So, although I believe the Mars/Venus relationship exists, I don't believe it can be tied to specific genders consistently (which, on a side note, is what I believe about almost every gender stereotype, but I digress). The ONE thing that Mars/Venus had BANG ON was the rubber band theory of courtship (I paraphrase).

It went something like this:
If you imagine that two partners are connected by a rubber band which must always be kept at a certain tautness to stay together, you realize that when one partner moves in, the other will retreat to keep the band at a comfortable tightness. If one partner pulls away dramatically, the other will chase, again to stop the pinch of the band which is stretched almost to breaking. (Again, hope John Grey doesn't mind my paraphrasing).

This video proposes the exact same concept, but with a different analogy: porcupines. Watch towards the end to hear her lovely depiction, but in Kiki Cliff Notes it is this: when two porcupines are out in a cold, cold winter and they need each other's warmth, they must get close to each other. When they do that, they get closer and closer until they are getting pricked. Then, they retreat. Then, they get cold and need each other's warmth again. Then the huddle together again, until it's uncomfortable because they get too close...Porcupines as an analogy for love, who knew?

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