Thursday, March 29, 2007

Liam...The Second Born

A couple of comments have centered around the fact that I am neglecting my second born. Isn't that one of the earmarks of that particular birth order ranking? So, I planned on logging in to merely post pictures of little Liam. He is, after all, beautiful and perfect in every way...Can you tell I'm his mother? But, it led me to finding out more about second borns. Here are some facts, googled about second children. Enjoy if you are one, or even if you know one! Write in and validate or invalidate the claims...I'd be curious to know.

The second born is the true perfectionist. This person attends to details, strives for perfection and reads the fine print. "Good enough" is never good enough.

The second born competes with the first born for parental attention. When the second born discovers how to put crayons to paper the first born displays a completed picture to mother. The second born senses the inadequacy of what she (or he) has created. The second born decides that to get love she must do something perfectly.

Second borns may not like compliments. Compliments may bring up memories of mother trying to praise the second born's efforts when the first born obviously did better. It felt condescending then and compliments may feel condescending now. Second borns tend to like suggestions for improvement more.

Second borns tend to assume that everyone is like they are so they do not give compliments. Instead, when you expect a compliment the second offers a suggestion for improvement. The second born is not being mean but simply helping you on the way to perfection.


The second born loses attention as the first born aggressively takes it away, leaving the second child to feel as if he or she cannot do anything well enough to merit attention.

Characteristic Bad Feeling: Inadequacy
Strategies for survival: Perfectionism, Logic
Felt Loss: Emotions
Sense of Justice: Necessity
Thought Pattern: Evaluation
T-shirt: "That won't work, it's not good enough."
Childhood Behavior: Deceptive, Critical
Emotional Expression: Controlled, Intense
Source of Anger: Criticism
Nature of Humor: Dry
Means of Relating: Correction
Spirituality: Self-discipline, Living by rules
Relational: Sensitive to others' anger, Peacemaker
The Child Within: Neglected
Type of Procrastination: Puts things off till they can be done perfectly
Blind spot: Others' emotions
Boundaries: Defined by rules
A walk in the woods: Watches ground around the feet, may go around in circles
Careers: Accounting, Banking, Art, Carpentry, Decorating, Receptionist, Secretary, Teaching, Writing Novels
Strengths: Self-discipline, Honesty, Determination
Parenting: Insists of obedience to the rules
Marriage: Puts spouse, family ahead of self
As Friend: Offers constructive criticism
Social Contributions: Art, financial institutions, completed projects
Expression of Love: Constructive criticism
Driving Style: Drives angrily because others do not follow the rules
Listening Style: Listens for mistakes
Common Phrase: "You need to..."
Responds To: "This may not be perfect, but...."


Meredith said...

Very cool post about the second born. Many (actually almost all)of those things were dead on for me. Except for the perfectionist part, that's definately not me.

Krista said...

I am the first born, but I think that is pretty much dead on for my brother - except for the the fact he can really be a selfish brat sometimes.

Liz said...

I am first born but many apply to my sister.
LOVE the pics of Liam, thanks for those. He is so wonerful.


Liz said...

Hmmm wonerful - could it be that I meant to type wonderful.

Counting_Blessings said...

Love all the pics of Liam, he is ABSOLUTELY beautiful !!!

Cathy said...

Man, I was reading that and trying to relate it to my girls. I don't think it applied to Heather at all. Despite the fact that she was my second born, she was first in mine and Mark's marriage. Not to mention all the medical issues as an infant. I believe it put a weird twist into the whole sibling orders psychology. Crista is the third, but fits more into the second, but is also cursed with the horrid "middle child" syndrome.
I found myself pretty upset thinking about how much it applies to me.
Just curious, who the hell is saying you are neglectful?

Big_Daddy said...

The pictures are great and he is adorable! I love that picture of you and him.

Amelia's moms said...

That's interesting info on the second born. I'm not one (firstborn) but I have produced one - you should do more research on younger brothers of older, domineering, strong-willed sisters. :)

DarinsMom said...

He is GORGEOUS! Those are some great pix.....what kind of camera do you use?