Thursday, January 02, 2014

And Another Thing...

So, common apocrypha would have us believe it takes 21 days to form a new habit. However, I just read an article that suggested for complex tasks, it's really more like 50 days...and can take the better part of a year. How long do we think it will take a person to forget a person? I'll explain...

A year and a half ago, I met a man through a dating site (this truly was beginners luck, because I have been back to that dating site well many times with nothing close to these kinds of results). Anyhow, we had a first date that I characterized on a scale of 1-10 as a 10. We dated for a couple of months, but he was not looking for commitment, turns out. So, we stayed friends and talked on and off everyday for a long time. He dated others, I dated others, but we remained friends. He got me. I got him. I was let inside his fears and insecurities and I revealed mine. We acted as therapists, life coaches and advisers to each other.

We were lovers at times. We truly loved. I fell in love over and over again, but was it the dream? Was I in love with the idea that I had created on our first date of what we would be? I believed I had met my match in intelligence, humor, quirkiness and extreme outdoorsy-ness. I was a pioneer who had met her homesteading partner. My strengths and his strengths were similar, but different enough to be complementary (PS: I just spent five minutes contemplating if this was the right "complement/pliment" to be using here).

I found this Anais Nin quote to ring true. I thought I got to know the human being with the flaws. I thought I loved him. As it turns out, I might have not ever even have known him. I might have always been in love with the dream. And now, I find myself at the beginning of a new year ready to let die this old habit. Let go of the myth. Let go of the dream. Let go. Letting go......

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