It's a Constant Battle of Wills

Once, a long time ago, I led a group of people at church in the "Alpha" program. This program was for Episcoplalian churches to host small dinners and for church members to invite their questioning friends to come and ask their questions. I, with another gentleman, ran a small discussion group. I remember one night in particular we discussed the issue of control. How we always want to believe we have control over our lives, but how we are so much better off when we give God the reins.

The example I brought as an analogy to teach this group is still one I think of when I am trying to remember to let God lead. It requires some knowledge of antiquated computer systems. Back in the day, there used to be a computer help desk in Toronto that would assist us in our remote NYC office by tapping into our computer. The technology (called PC Anywhere) was one of the first remote access computer softwares. In order to enable someone to use it on your machine you had to do three things:
1) Ask for help
2) Open the connection and let the help desk have access to your mouse and keyboard
3) NOT touch your own mouse or keyboard and trust their ability to fix the problem
If you held onto the mouse while they were also trying to drive, you would be stuck in a deadlock. No one would be helping. If you let go of the mouse and let them drive, their (much more complete knowledge) could quickly solve the problem. It was hard to continue to remember to not touch the keyboard or mouse....it was hard to remember that you were not the one driving, but if you could, you would realize you were in safe and capable hands and the problem was on its way to being solved.

Just this weekend, my mom told me of a sermon at her church where the minister said, "Goodness! I am so glad God is in charge or I would be worried and freaked out all the time." When I find myself worried and freaked out, I look down to see that the reins are in my own hands or that I am grabbing the mouse...I toss them up gleefully and ask God's help in my giving it all over to Him.

Yesterday, I realized I was again trying to convolute everything...trying to corral matters and events to go a certain way like an errant sheepdog. I went hiking and through walking and praying gave it all over AGAIN relinquishing control. Within two hours, I had two calls for job interviews...the first in quite some time.