Saturday, February 26, 2011

Women Are from Venus and Other Women Are Also from Venus

I've been thinking lately about something. It's a little bit of a controversial topic, but I bet you'll humor me. I HOPE you will at least. So, this is the thing. As, you all know, I have dated both men and women in my life. I have recently been putting together a little theory about one of the challenges that women dating women face. See what you think.

When women date men, we say the women are from Venus and the men are from Mars. And here is where my theory begins. It's a very convenient construct, when you don't understand where someone is coming from or they don't "get" you, to think of them as from another planet. You don't have to work through every little disagreement, sometimes it's easier and healthier to say they just won't get it because they aren't from my planet...they're a "guy." In saying they're a guy, we forgive and forget many transgressions. We let slide, we acquiesce, we compromise.

When women date women, they think differently. Women are quite aware of the fact that they are from Venus...that they ALL are from Venus. They are very relationship oriented. A group of female friends, for instance, will say that all their friends "get" them. So, when we date women, we get very frustrated when our partners do things that we find confusing, or when they just don't seem to understand us. We get even more bent out of shape, "But you're a WOMAN! You're supposed to think like me! Be like me! GET me!"

Traditionally in relationships, because they have been mostly male-female in our society, it takes some work to extrapolate beyond the acceptance of a husband or a wife merely because they are from a different planet. It requires an active thought process changing thoughts of, "Oh, my partner doesn't get me because they are of the opposite sex", to instead, "Oh, you don't get me because I am me, and you are you and we are different."

We are different. We are not just male and female different, but individuals.

1 comment:

KerryPMcC said...

Honestly I think everyone perceives and communicates their experience in the world differently. Like how some people are math people and some people are not, some people are logic and reasoning people, some are emotional people, some are eternally optimistic, stubborn, etc etc etc.

The way I see it, it's about finding people with compatible perspective and communication patterns. Not that you'll see everything eye to eye. Some times you just won't understand another person's perspective simply because they've had life experiences or lessons or perceptions that you have not and that's part of what shapes who they are and how they respond. Friend, lover, man, woman, whatever.

That being said, I think we tend to prioritize and understand people who are more similar to us. Nature or nurture women do tend to be more family and emotionally oriented. Men tend to be logic and project oriented. It's not always the case, there's a definite spectrum but you probably think more similarly to people who grew up in CT than those who grew up in India, too. Doesn't mean you can't be compatible with someone who grew up in India it just means there are probably things they do that just don't make sense to you!

This is one of my favorite topics and CLEARLY I could go on forever :)