Wednesday, July 02, 2008

I Undo

The lovely State of Connecticut was kind enough to grant me dissolution of my marriage today. Yikes! Who ever thinks that just two days after their five year anniversary, they will be celebrating their divorce. I always knew the statistics, but somehow felt impervious to them. To get unmarried is a surreal experience. You arrive at the courthouse and with no pomp or fancy dress, you sign your rights away. You release all your claims on each other, sign collaborative childcare and custodial documents and walk out thirty minutes or so later, free.

The proceedings almost felt staged. The questions, when asked by my lawyer, seemed a touch on the ridiculous side. I mean, she knew the answers to all these questions, I had given her all this information many times. But, it's all part of the laying down of logic. A court case is an iterative form of communication with questions and answers being the method by which new information is disclosed. You are asked questions by friendlies and unfriendlies...although, in this case, there was only the one litigator, mine. Patrick self-represented. The judge was fair (big surprise) and had a sense of humor, which I always appreciate. We managed to walk away owing each other nothing, paying each other nothing and with joint custody. Perfect for our situation.

My only disappointment was that I wasn't divorcing the gentleman before me on the docket who was paying his wife $2500 a month in support and an additional $2500 in support while she has to pay for her big ol' house in New Canaan. Additionally, they had liquidated all their "stuff" which was resulting in him writing her a check for $327,000. Wow, I thought to myself, I really should've married and divorced for the money! Mr. Sykes, I may not have wanted to marry you, but man, your divorce terms sound lovely. I do.


Kellee said...

I divorced 1 day after my 10-year anniversary. For me it was very symbolic...I actually chose the date myself. My ex didn't even show up & I didn't even tell him until weeks later. It wouldn't have mattered to him anyway. All par for the course in life with an active addict.

I too was surprised at how the dissolution of my marriage ended so quietly. It was just my lawyer (a family friend), my best friend Susan & a bunch of strangers. I also had a funny judge. I knew I would like him when he walked in to find us standing & said, "Oh good God, sit down for crying out loud." He was a good ole Texas boy & I loved him!

After a few ridiculous questions (notice a trend here with your divorce?) there was just a simple, single bang of a gavel & it was over. It was the first time in over a year of living in agony & chaos that I felt some peace.

Fortunately I was one of the lucky ones like the ex Mrs. Sykes. In my situation guilt was a wonderful motivator for the ex. Granted I didn't get near as much as Mrs. S., but I made out pretty well.

Blessings to you on your new journey, Kiki!!

Love & hugs!

Talisman said...

Congrats! (which I know sounds bad but... I know you're very happy so... yea... CONGRATS!)

Good luck with the new special someone. :)

Danielle said...

I'm sorry that you've had to go through this, but I'm glad it's over for you. It must have been difficult AND liberating at the same time.

Mine will not be final until November, but at the rate things are going, I'll be divorced BEFORE I'm separated!?!

Oh and I'm not as lucky as Mrs Sykes...I won't be getting a dime from him, but I just want to be free, so I'm not going to dwell on that.

Amelia's moms said...

You cracked me up with your after-the-fact proposal to Mr Sykes. It sounds like you have had the best outcome possible given everything you've been through. And now on to great things!

Elisa said...

I tagged you!